Yamada entered the studio to shoot another Nino's channel, there he saw both Ninomiya and Kikuchi already seated there. "Ohayou," He threw his bag on the sofa, practically didn't care about his bag. Just when Kikuchi opens his mouth, Yamada turns to see him, "If the first thing that comes out of your mouth is Nakajima, I'm out and I don't want to shoot today," and Ninomiya is laughing hard from his place. "But your husband is also Nakajima," He adds, and Yamada throws a glance at him.
"Seriously?" Kikuchi asked, and Yamada nodded, "To answer your question, I don't deny, I did have dinner with Nakajima last night." In the corner of his eyes, he can see that Ninomiya wants to joke, so he adds, "Nakajima Kento, not Nakajima Yuto,"
Kikuchi just snickers, "Where? some upscale restaurant in Ginza?" Yama takes a paper script for today's content, "Why? Does it matter to you? You and he are done. If you forget," Kikuchi rolled his eyes. "Also, I will not choose a side, you understand?"
Yamada took off his coat, getting more comfortable with his shirt. "I'm not asking you to take sides, it's just weird," Kikuchi said.
Yamada looks to his friend, "I'm friends with Kento, you know that. And you guys didn't tell me why you guys broke up, and I'm a professional, okay. So, if you have a problem, I don't care," Ninomiya, who seems to be listening to them, just claps his hands, signaling that they should start tapping their YouTube content soon.
It took roughly two hours before they wrapped up the filming for the next 2 weeks, as Kikuchi will be busy with the timelesz schedule and Yamada is busy with his solo concert. "Ne, Fuma, explain to me again, did you break up before or after he decided to leave the sexy zone?" Yamada groans; he really doesn't want to listen to Kikuchi and his love life again, it's been so long already anyway.
"It's been a long time already, Ninomiya-kun, it's not that important. Is just that this person hasn't moved on a single inch, unlike his ex," Yamada said.
"He already moved on?" Instead of Ninomiya, he got an answer from Kikuchi instead. Yamada cursed inside, what he said before.
Yamada takes his bag and his phone. "As far as I know, he is. I heard he got close to the new boy," Yamada tries to answer nonchalantly. "Is he American?" Yamada frowned. "What?"
Kikuchi chuckled, "Nothing, not important. Just say my congratulations to him if you meet him," He said.
"Did you say congratulations on his new single?" Yamada asks, Kikuchi shrugs, "I guess so," Yamada concludes.
Yamada put back his coat and looked around. "Now, if you excuse me, I have a date with my husband, the other Nakajima, if you don't know."
"Date my ass, you just going to practice together," Ninomiya is throwing empty bottle water to Yamada which the latter just laughs at.
It was another week when he met Kikuchi again with Kikuchi Fortunately, it's not for YouTube tapping, because he is tired, as his job doesn't seem to stop. "Wanna grab a drink?" Kikuchi offers him after they're done with variety tapping. "Would love to, but let me call Yuto first," Kikuchi looked at him amused, "You need to ask permission to do anything?" Yamada who type into his phone just sigh, "Not like that, i do know Yuto have some drama tapping today, and just in case he end work early he is not spamming me with calls since he cant found me at home, so it's better to tell him if i go somewhere," Yamada explain.
"Done, let's go, wanna grab a drink in the usual place?" Kikuchi nods. Since Yamada is driven by his manager, they decided to take Kikuchi's car to go drinking.
"We don't really drink together, you need to talk?" Yamada knows something happened with his kouhai; that's why he offers to drink together, and since Yamada is kind, he accepts the offer.
"Did Nakajima-kun, wait, I mean Yuto-kun ever think you are too ambitious?" Yamada knows where the question will go.
Yamada finished his first glass of beer. "That talk between Yuto is done when we were teenagers," Kikuchi chuckled. "So, nothing like 'you are too ambitious, you are too busy, you just think of yourself?' like that?" Yamada frowned. "You said that to Kento?" Kikuchi didn't answer, Yamada took it as a sign.
"Look, Yuto and I. We have our ups and downs. Back when we were barely teenagers, just right after our debut, we had our rough. But now, we're good. We understand each other's dreams, each other's ambitions, and each other's way to life, and we make it work. We communicate and we make it work," Yamada emphasizes.
"I know people portray Kento as the bad guy, for leaving the band, for going into solo without the band, and everything. But I still feel like it was my fault for not keeping the band together." It's actually the first time Yamada heard Kikuchi talk about this.
"We already have a new member, there is Timelesz, and I feel like I'm obsessed with keeping them together, like I can't let it fail again." Yamada knows how it feels. Hey Say Jump did get left by 2 members; he knows exactly how it feels.
"To be honest, I don't know what's going on with you and Kento and your whole group," Kikuchi laughed, "there is no such thing about which one comes first, break up or the group break up."
"Okay, shoot. explain to me," He did order another alcohol, and deemed it needed stronger alcohol. "Nah, don't really want to go there," Kikuchi lit up his cigarettes as another glass of alcohol came.
"I'm not going to judge, you know that," Yamada says, drinking again; he already feels tipsy.
"He said what he wanted to do, his dream and his ambition to me, and I feel like, after what happened with Marius, it is like I was being judged as a failure, so I said something to him. The next day, he talked to others that he wanted out. I feel pathetic to myself," Kikuchi explains, but not really explains, but Yamada actually gets a picture of what happened.
"Did you actually ever break up?" He asked.
"What's the matter? He is out of the group? It's been a year," he puffs another smoke, and after the first one is done and he lights another.
Yamada nodded along, "So, no clean break up. Just suddenly out of his life, and you move on with life?"
"Yeah, just like that," Yamada texted Yuto, asking if it was possible to pick him up after Yuto was done. He is getting enough with Kikuchi bullshit, to be honest.
Yamada is finishing the edamame they ordered. "You know that's why you never move on?" Kikuchi frowned, "What?"
"You are still hoping that maybe he is back to you. You wait, maybe he will text you again, you hope maybe you guys can really be in love again." Yamada is this close to smacking his kouhai's head, and Kikuchi didn't refute and only kept silent.
Yamada chugs another beer, "You both are the same," he mutters, Kikuchi shouldn't hear it.
Kikuchi scoffed, "What do you mean same?" He moved on just fine. Look at his life, his single is amazing, he has a solo concert which is filled with fans, and I believe he already has a new man, like you said."
"I was joking when I said that he doesn't actually have new men. He is still longing for his previous 10-year relationship." Kikuchi grew silent, "He looks so happy, happier than he ever was with me. Happier than 10 years of our relationship. And maybe that's the best, maybe he is indeed happier without me," Kikuchi just said.
Yamada chuckled, "Do you know what he said about your 10-year relationship?" Kikuchi grew curious, "In his words, he said, 'it's a 10-year relationship, I can't just throw it to the gutter and forget about it,' like that," Yamada adds.
Kikuchi chuckled and finished his drink and his cigarettes. "I don't think that kind of thing comes out of his mouth. He is the one who threw away the 10-year relationship," Yamada shrugged. "You can text him to confirm. But again, did I ever lie to you?" After saying that, Yamada stands to pay their bills.
Kikuchi is lying down in his bed, he scrolls on his Instagram app, and he just reposts a few reels from the Timelesz official account. He also takes time to reply few messages that he left on read. The whole day, he seems so busy and somehow manages to forget things. After finishing with the business, he now looks at people's Instagram posts and stories, looks at how his friends update their day, it's kinda fun. It was open, the story from the official account of Nakajima Kento. Looks like Nakajima is having fun with the promotion of his new single. His hand wants to click on the love in the right corner of the Instagram stories page, but then he stops. He should congratulate the new single first. So he clicks on the comment section. As he just wrote something, he stopped midway, and decided to just lock his phone and forget about it, leaving the "congratulations" unsent.
It was another two weeks before he met with Nakajima, the Kento one. It was when they accidentally met in the office and decided to go out since neither of them had jobs in the early morning, the next day. Kento put his phone on the table as they enjoyed the ramen that night. "You don't mind if Yuto joins us today, right?" Yamada asks, "Of course. He is welcome anytime. When will he join?"
Yamada opens his phone to read the text message, "He has a radio, so he will join after. But if we're already done, he can be here to pick me up. So I don't need to take a taxi," Kento nodded, "I'm going to get a beer, probably going to call a substitute driver to take me home." Yamada understood the struggle, "Yeah, you should,"
After the first beer, Yamada feels it's the perfect time to talk about something, "Ne, Kento-kun, did Kikuchi text you these past weeks?" and Yamada never sees Kento take his phone as fast as lightning. "He didn't, I assume," Yamada said.
Kento put back his phone, "Yeah, he didn't. I'm almost afraid he'd text me and I don't know about it," He said.
"So you didn't block him and wait for him to text you," He said without asking.
Kento looked at his phone again, "I never block him, isn't it obvious?" Yamada shrugged, "I don't know, my other friend blocks their Ex right after they broke up, or maybe changes their number."
Kento kept silent. He looks at his phone, dark with light of notifications. "I can't just change my number, it's related to work too," Yamada hummed.
Kento would like to talk about another thing, but then Yuto comes into their booth. He sees how Yuto just easily enters, circling his hand into Yamada's shoulder and pecks his cheek. "Oh, you arrived. Order something," Yamada was giving the menu to Yuto while the taller just smiles, "whose paying today?" Yuto said as he flicked open the menu book. "You pays," Yamada grinning widely, but his eyes flicker, flirting with his boyfriend. Yuto laughs, he ruffles Yamada's hair, "So you invite me so you can get free dinner?" Yamada nods, and Kento feels he has become invisible.
"Otsukare, Yuto-Kun," Kento finally spoke up, and Yuto looked up, "Oh, who is this? Fellow Nakajima?" Kento laughed.
"How have you been, Yuto-Kun? Been a long time since we haven't met."
Yuto is ordering his own meal before answering Kento, "Good, could be better, it's good. I have many jobs now, like this little guy over here too," Kento can see how Yuto tightens his embrace on Yamada's shoulder. They were glued in their hips.
Kento drinks his beer again before speaking up, "You guys are going strong," he mutters.
"Well, our decision to live together since Covid seems to bring the best for us and our relationship," Yuto answered easily. "That's true. It just feels right," Kento nodded. "How is it?"
"Living together?" Kento nods to confirm his question. "It's just to make everything make sense," Kento doesn't understand, for him, if he lives with others, they could see his flaws, something he shouldn't have.
Yamada senses something by looking at Kento's face, "Look, I love him so much that I think it was the best decision to spend seconds in my life to be with him. He is like a puzzle that fits, not a perfect fit, but still," Yamada explains, "Kento, I trust him and I don't mind him seeing me in the lowest pit." Kento smiles as he listens to Yamada's lines.
Yuto, who just heard the conversation while eating his dinner, just chuckled, "You and Kikuchi-kun never live together?" Kento doesn't think the question would be given to him, so he was stunned.
"By your face, I assume not," Yuto said. "Then, have you ever had a deep conversation? Pillow talk? Or the thing that happened in bed, only sex?" Yuto adds. Kento tries to look at the other side, ashamed, "Oh please, don't look like you never had sex." Yuto drinks his tea, but he can't drink as he needs to drive both himself and Yamada home. "Wait, do you have sex after you broke up?" Now Yamada tries to dig for information from him.
Kento chugs another glass of beer. "My sex life is not important."
Yamada frowned, "It's important, because pent-up sex is worse," Yamada adds. Kento doesnt say anything, "Fuck, you have no sex for a year?" Now Kento doesn't have an excuse not to refute, "I do have sex, maybe not as much as you, but I'm content, thank you very much."
Kento would like this conversation to end because it seems that the Nakajima-Yamada duo is ganging up on him. Kento even wants to pay for the dinner. "I'll ask for the check," He said but Yamada stops him, "Senpai is paying, so you better sit your ass down," Yamada signals Yuto to sort the payment.
"Kento-kun, I need to tell you something." Kento sat still. "If you still compare people that have sex with you, or even people that try to go close to you, with Fuma-Kun, I think you should text him." Kento didn't say anything. "Nobody, nobody ever will be like Fuma. Never. You were not done with him, so don't search for it in others. They will never fill the gaps you've been trying to close. You do know that, right?"
Kento looked at his friend's eyes, who was also Fuma's friend. "I don't think I can do that. Thank you for your advice, you're such a great Senpai. But for now, I think I will live with these open gaps."
"Until when?"
Kento's silence seems like an answer, "Maybe not talk about the sexy zone, but talk about yourself, your relationship. You love someone as deeply as that. I know how it feels, if it' end, it's not end just like that,"
Kento's eyes didn't move from the used chopsticks on the table, "Everything, everything still reminds me of him. But I can't do anything because I was he one who chose this. I may live with regrets, but I see how he is so happy now. If I'm back, I feel like I can take his happiness away. At this point, this one is the best for us," Kento explained.
Yamada scoffed, "Exactly like what Fuma said, too." Just when Kento wants to ask, Yuto comes inside, explaining that everything is done and they need to go.
Kento is putting on his jacket, and his phone confirms that he has a substitute driver. Meanwhile, Yamada is waiting for Yuto to take his car from the parking lot, "Just you know, maybe lower your ego and text him first," Yamada said last before he entered his car.
On the way back, Kento let the substitute driver drive his car to his home while he lay down in the back seat. He opens the line messaging app, scrolls down to find Kikuchi Fuma's contact, and opens it. The last message is actually not exactly after he departs from Sexy Zone, instead, the last message is when Fuma congratulates him on his solo debut, which he left on read. He types a few things, but his hand lingers on the send button. In the end, he threw his phone to the seat beside him without actually sending it.
By the corner of his eyes, he can still see the message he wishes to send, a simple word, but he thinks he shouldn't send it.
Miss you